Positivity – a tomato in stew

Whatever your beliefs, to feel that you are one tomato in a big yummy stew can be quite comforting. You’re important to that stew, you make it taste nice. But if you get all wrapped up in being a tomato and wondering what a tomato’s life is all about, or that actually you’d prefer to be a carrot, you waste your time, without realising what you are already, and you miss the bigger picture. Joining with other vegetables in the stew helps to make you feel connected. Sharing our talents creates fantastic things.

Over the last month I have used the theme of positivity within yoga classes.

My final class on this adopted the idea of lifting ourselves out of our negativity by connecting to others and remembering that we are part of a bigger picture. Too much time alone, believing that we are isolated, can lead to that sinking feeling of getting stuck in your own mind. Simple connections with other people remind us of the Buddhist concept that we all share two things as humans – love, and suffering.

Rather than becoming self-obsessed with the immediacy of our own lives we can acknowledge that there is something greater. That knowledge helps to bring a sense of perspective. Rather than feeling small or unimportant, being part of a bigger picture can give us a more positive role. You are a part of something that is greater than your own life. Ultimately you are connected to a broader energy – you are a part of it, and it is a part of you. All of the love and all of the suffering too.

Yoga means to unite. Unity within ourselves of our bodies, minds, breath and energy. Unity of all people, all minds, all preferences, all of our energies, our loves, our suffering.

Half way through writing this blog, the very sad news came through about the Oslo tragedy. I asked myself if it was possible to still write on positivity. And then realised, without doubt, that positivity and compassion and empathy are what is missing from someone’s life for such terrible things to happen. It is detachment from the very concept outlined above that fuels an individual’s belief that we are separate, different, detached.

Don’t just be a tomato.

asteroid

It may have been the stye in my eye that stopped me from falling back to sleep at 5 this morning. Or it might have been the disconcerting dream that an asteroid was about to smash into the earth . . . they are of similar importance at the moment.

In my dream, I was walking through central Norwich, when a few burning lumps of flying stuff shot past me and landed on the road. “Oh” I thought “that’s not right, I’m sure that doesn’t normally happen . . . umm, . . . I’ll just ignore that for now,” and carried on walking.

But then there were people everywhere. Everyone was screaming and looking up and running. As I looked up, a huge shadow was creeping over the sky. Then I saw the huge red ball heading for us. (Not a ladybird, no – a ball of fire). I ran too. I needed to be near someone I loved, as it all ended.

Then I realised there was no way I was going to make it anywhere in the matter of seconds left. My eyes met with a woman who was running. For a moment we stopped and looked at each other. (hold on in there dudes . . . and try not to take it too seriously . . .) I considered staying with her – somehow connecting with her in the last seconds of the planet. Then decided against it.

I was alone. Completely alone. But somehow connected to everything that had ever existed. And it felt fine. I felt fine. It was almost a relief. All I could do was stand and breathe. There was nothing else to do.

Nice dream, thanks for that. And . . .

The world won’t last forever. This body won’t last forever. We employ delaying tactics with the things we want to do or change. We postpone our dreams. We fill our time with doing stuff. Stuff that doesn’t matter. Mind space that has the potential for more powerful, real stuff gets squished by what the material world tells us is important and real.

Eckhart Tolle (author of The Power of Now) posted on facebook today “When your life situation is all you know about yourself then you miss life. You may be very good at dealing with your life situation, but you miss life. You never really get anywhere. Life is now, not in the doing.”

We work so hard for the wrong things. It’s all there – there inside. We’re constantly distracting ourselves from something we already have. We are already connected. The simplest way to notice this is to follow your breathing – try it now. We inhale, we exhale. It’s simple. It’s beautiful.

‘Stand and deliver’ just came into my head. Crikey, it’s oddly relevant! Do take a peep: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPgHbt0ODr4

Thank you Ms Asteroid for bringing perspective back to the stye in my eye.

I forgot!

I forgot that nothing else matters. Nothing except this place. This quiet place inside me – a part of me. And it’s always there. I just forgot!

But I have found it again. And now it is familiar.

When I find it I don’t have to rush. I don’t have to judge. There is no failing. There isn’t even you and me. It goes beyond that. There is everything. Everything is here.

It is a soft place. It is open. I am free.

Metallica also know that nothing else matters. They sing it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcbAibPA2yY&feature=related

friday's thoughts

The theme in classes this week was aparigraha, meaning minimalism, or lack of greed.

To be minimal, we need to simplify.

And that’s it.

Simplify your day.

Contentment

Contentment

This blog is dedicated to my Guru VishvaJi – just being near to him teaches so much about contentment.

We’re taught from ‘the beginning’ that there is something more, something better. We live our lives in search of something else, something other than who and what we already are. Our constant drive for more takes us away from something that is rooted in every one of us – contentment.

The inspiration from ancient yogic texts proves to be timeless. In Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras (200 CE), it is stated “as the result of contentment, one gains supreme happiness”. Yes please.

Within yoga poses, it is common for us to push ourselves, desiring further, stronger, better. All of these happen in the mind. The body doesn’t think, it feels. When we resist or fight, we become less flexible, both physically and mentally. In our exploration of ‘contentment’ last week in yoga sessions, our attitudes towards our physical yoga practice soon made apparent our attitudes ‘off the mat’.

In an attempt to move away from ‘more’ and ‘better’ or just ‘different’, we draw towards a state of accepting things as they are; a present-moment awareness. Contentment is resting. Resting in how it is. And often how it is, is beautiful. In ‘how it is’ there are colours and shades and nuances. We can experience sensations and choices. Yoga encourages us to move from thoughts and in to experience and sensations.

This isn’t about melancholic acceptance, or reluctance to move forward. It’s seeing things as they are. When we can see how things really are, in the present moment, we have the power to act.

The power comes in recognising what we can and can’t change. When we are content we feel more positive. When we are positive we’re more likely to see the possibilities, the potential. It opens up the now. As we haven’t been fighting, we can change things with a positive attitude, knowing that we are making clear decisions from a grounded place, not a place of resistance, confusion or denial.

Contentment goes hand in hand with gratitude. The recognition of what we already have. Shifting our perspective is key to gratitue, as one of my lovely students pointed out “it takes removing yourself from yourself almost to see, to look at it from another perspective . . . which always takes me back to cup half full or half empty. Reflection always equals half full because reflection usually leads to perspective no? And perspective then leads to a sense of acceptance and understanding of where you are at, and once we have this then we can feel that contentment.”

We don’t have to be happy to be content. Contentment can even be found in sadness. It’s often our reactions to how we feel that cause us the suffering – not the actual feelings themselves. Denying sadness, rejecting it, or fighting it can cause more tension and hurt than the sadness itself. I think of this now as contentment within sadness.

It goes beyond like and dislike too. A little thumb up says I approve of something. Then I can change my mind if I stop liking it. What a relief to not feel the need to decide if I do, or don’t like something. It just is as it is. It’s stupendously freeing not to enter realms of like and dislike. Don’t confuse it with not being involved – this is the most ‘involved’ way of living. When not wrapped up in the workings of attachment and aversion we open ourselves up to life.

We can cultivate contentment, just as we can cultivate any attitude in life. For me, contentment is about softening, both physically and mentally. Putting in less effort. It’s not about trying hard, which seems to be my default mode. Contentment makes me relax the multitude of mini-tensions that I hold physically and mentally. Maybe you don’t have to make things better. Maybe there is no better. Maybe this is it.

You are not reliant on anything outside of yourself to be content. There is no past or future with contentment. Everything is temporary. This is the perfect moment.

PS this blog has taken me the longest to write, as it’s taken me ages to be content with the content. Sigh. Of course, please feel free to add your thumb up of 'like' to this post.

A Day in the Ashram

A Day in the Ashram

When I feel lazy, one little word, with a not-so-little meaning pops in to my head. Ashram.

The Ashram I stayed at in Rishikesh, India, last November / December was where I completed my 500 hour yoga teacher training. Everything happens in the ashram – you learn, sleep, practice, discuss, deteriorate, bliss out, eat, cry, dream, dance and laugh uncontrollably in the ashram.

The 6 week training was rammed each day with lectures, meditation, contemplation, chanting, fire rituals, cleansing and of course yoga.

We were encouraged to keep a journal of our experiences. One day in the middle of the course, I decided to write in my journal everything we did that day. This blog is dedicated to all of my beautiful Ashram buddies.

Here it is.

Wednesday 24^th November.

The 04:45 alarm was ignored. I’m not tired, just pondering the never-ending disturbing dreams. Weird dreams seem to be par for the course at the moment. Get up at 05:00. I’m giving the pump a miss this morning (jal basti – a cleansing technique, like a water enema). Ali (room mate / confidante / soul mate) has got the salty water for us to do jal neti (cleansing of the nasal passages). We practice mauna (silence) every morning until 9am, so we potter around the room, mouthing “are you okay?” to each other. Quick wash. Teeth cleaned.

05:30 It’s chilly, so I get wrapped up with jumpers, warm socks and blanket to go downstairs for meditation. The focus today is Manipura, or the navel chakra. We chant ‘Om Ram’ together and then silently repeat it in our heads, to stimulate that chakra.

06:00 Upstairs for asana (posture) class. Special guest today is ‘Swami 101’. He is 101. Really and truly. He doesn’t look any different to 5 years ago. In fact, he may have gained a little vigour. He gets up at 2.30am for his own practice; then he can teach others. He wears peach coloured silky pant things and a pointy tall orange hat.

He welcomes us to class by booming “eat tomatoes!” A good start. The class includes tongue exercises, star jumps, instruction to ‘LIFT RECTUM’, jumping up and kicking your heels on your bum, laughing ‘haaa heee hoooo’ plus poses most of us can’t manage to squish into, each followed by the command ‘RELAX!’ His movements are rapid, his eyes intense. He has a naughty childlike quality.

In normal life, this would be enough excitement for one day. But this is ashram life.

It’s light outside now, but the sky is grey, one of the first grey days since I’ve been away – 2 months. I like it. It feels familiar!

08:00 Breakfast is still in silence. We sit on the floor in the dinner hall with little tables in front of us. Our metal plates, bowls, cups and spoons gently clang as everyone finds a spot to sit in. It is such a beautiful time of day. Food is bought out of the kitchen in metal buckets. Today’s breakfast is a type of semolina with peanuts, our standard 4 dates, an apple and herbal tea. Caffeine is a slightly sneaky thing that is sometimes ingested outside the ashram.

08:30 Straight outside to the fire puja. This a daily ritual to purify the body, mind and environment. Vedic chanting is the backdrop to offerings of herbs and ghee (butter) into the fire. The fire and chanting are hypnotic.

09:00 Our philosophy lecture is about Bhakti yoga – the yoga of unconditional love and devotion to a higher energy or consciousness.

On discussing compassion, we hear an incredible story about a woman whose son was killed. At the court case, she looks at her son’s killer and says “I’m going to kill you.” She visits her son’s young killer in prison, and when he is released she helps him find a job. She feeds him, lets him move into her house and finally adopts him as her own son. She later points out to him that she killed him – she killed the person that was in court that day. Through her love, she killed the killer. This story of indiscriminate compassion is profoundly moving. Our group of 16 is very close and we share some powerful moments together.

10:45 In techniques lecture we discuss the bandhas, or energy locks in the body. Then we talk about how to teach a classical Kundalini class – the style that we are practising this week.

12:00 Lunch. First chapati since Thursday. We did a big cleanse at the weekend, meaning our diet had been restricted to foods that are easily digestible. We eat Sag paneer (spinach & Indian cheese) – yummy my favourite dish, with rice, salad and dahl. I love this food.

12:30 1-2-1 with Vishva-Ji who runs the training. Vishva is the hugest inspiration to us all. He believes in us, in a way that nobody else does. I only need to sit near to him to feel unconditionally loved. We sit on his Mum’s bed and chat about how I’m getting on, which is fine. We talk about the classes I’m going to set up when I get home. Vishva is going to create a practice I can do at home that specifically helps my asthma.

13:00 Ali and I do some revision for our test on Monday. We revise Ashtanga Yoga, the 8-fold path of Yoga. I have a 20 minute lay down. Bliss.

14:30 We discuss more Kundalini techniques. Vishva is perceptive in noticing we look a little tired. So on goes the music and we have a very playful dance around the room, each taking it in turns to lead the rest of the group. Much laughter. We’re talking about Manipura chakra – what it relates to physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, as well as the colour, shape and element associated with it. We get to do drawing! We draw a yantra - our own interpretation of Manipura chakra.

16:00 Teaching practicum. Throughout the course we each teach 3 classes in different styles to others in the group. Then we get invaluable critical feedback. Today Bea teaches a lovely Kundalini class, with some challenging moments and a nice sequence.

After the class I have a dance around in the yoga hall to let off some playful energy. Kundalini seems to be making us all a little buzzy, and I keep feeling the need to dance, or play or laugh.

18:00 The bell for dinner. Dinner is often a chatty time. We have rice, dahl, chapatti, vegetables and herbal tea. Quick shower. Ali and I revise mantra in our room (transformational chanting of words / verses).

20:00 I read a bit of Gandhi’s autobiography, though I’ve had enough inspiration for the day. I manage about a page before body and mind whisper ‘bedtime’. 20:30 I am asleep.

I miss the ashram life; the beautiful connections we shared, the profound experiences. I’m very grateful to have spent this time in the ashram. I know I can’t recreate ashram life at home, so I try to connect with people, I try to share what I experienced. I like the idea of us all inspiring each other, encouraging the love and support and transformation that is possible when we take time for ourselves. Yoga practice is the single most important thing I can do for myself each day.

The training: http://www.akhandayoga.com/?page_id=34

Me and you and being true

I’ve been thinking this week, in my first week back of teaching yoga after a 3 month break, of what it means to be me, and what it means to be you, and how we meet each other. I met some of you this week with a handshake and others with a hug, but that aside, how do we connect?

How often do we dare to be ourselves? How often do we know what we feel or think? And how we can we communicate that to other people? As a yoga teacher, I have to present myself, as I am in that moment. If I’m not honest or real, I’m not being fair to myself, or to you. And you have to be true to you. Hopefully we meet in the middle.

Sometimes it’s scary biscuits to speak your truth.

On being confronted yesterday by a lady who offered me salvation through the Bible, I wanted to tell her about yoga, how I didn’t need salvation, how I don’t think anybody needs salvation, and that I’m not searching for ‘something else’. I have ‘something else’ and that is me. Trust in me. And trust in a higher energy that I don’t understand or pretend to understand. I wanted to tell her, but I didn’t want to cause a scene, or disrupt this otherwise polite conversation. I was accepting of her approaching me, telling me about her truth, but couldn’t, on this occasion, find it in me to tell her my truth.

Maybe I didn’t need to.

I have been known in situations like this before, to get a bit angry, possibly rude or sarcastic. I feel that someone has imposed their opinions on me and that I deserve to speak too. But by telling her my truth, what would have changed? She wasn’t there to hear my truth, just as although I respected hers, it was hers, not mine.

I want to be able to express my opinion without being rude. To be gentle and gracious and powerful all at the same time. I think this is so important. I am allowed to think whatever I like, but I don’t want to blast it on anyone.

Don’t shout your truth. Be your truth. Whatever that is, in any given moment. If we all had the space to work out what our truth is, we might not feel the need to suggest that others find theirs - that coincidentally you think should be exactly the same as yours. As Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see in the world”.

Your truth can change. In each moment we need to be honest. Our greatest commitment should be to ourselves. Then when I am being me, and you are being you and our circles meet, some pretty cool things can happen. Then we have possibilities. Neither of us is fighting our way because we don’t need to. Then we have the potential to learn, to challenge ourselves, to shift when a shift is needed.

“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” Henri Bergson

And more importantly in the words of Madonna and her truth, “True blue baby I love you”.

2011- Year of the Yoga!

Intentions hold a lot of power for us. Without clear intentions, particularly on a ‘spiritual path’, I tend to get a little lost. So knowing how easily I make excuses for myself as to why I can’t practice yoga, I’m setting myself the intention of practicing yoga every day for a year. (Gulp). Yoga is experiential. Talking about it isn’t the bit that makes you feel good. Reading books about it won’t transform you. Doing it – only consciously doing it is when transformation can happen. If I keep it a secret and tell nobody I run the temptation on pretending it never happened. ‘What intention? Ra raa, chocolate, sleep . . .’

By yoga I mean yoga in its holistic sense – asana (postures), pranayama (breathing techniques) meditation and chanting. (I don’t believe it’s always appropriate to practice asana – if I’m exhausted, ill or angry, pranayama or meditation does a better job for me.) I believe there is a practice for every day. I’m fortunate enough to have the time at the moment to try and work out what that might be each day.

I know from practicing (and not practicing) over many years that yoga encourages my potential in all aspects of my life. It is never confined to my yoga mat. How I approach my yoga practice is reflected in how I approach life, from the menial to the significant. Technically you can be practicing yoga at any moment in your life. Yoga is awareness – conscious living. However, I find that with a time that is specifically set aside – a very conscious decision to ‘practice’ yoga - allows it to infiltrate my life and enhances my ‘off the mat’ awareness. Without this set aside time, life stuff happens and I often forget.

Having set aside time for yoga asana and pranayama every day for over 2 months, sometimes squished at the end of a bed in tiny hotel rooms in Delhi or on balconies crawling with ants and mosquitoes, I know how good a regular holistic practice makes me feel. I recognise the importance of discipline, and I’m ready to challenge myself. Spending time in the ashram with a daily holistic yoga practice allowed me to commit and feel completely present from moment to moment. Simple experiences in life were overwhelmingly beautiful and I know this is largely due to a committed yoga practice.

Without knowing what this year will bring, and with plenty of uncertainty and change ahead, I'm willing to be open, to try to adapt to my needs each day. I want to commit. I want to be present. I learn most from my practice on the days when I’m reluctant to do anything, when on waking up the thought of yoga is desperately unappealing. I never regret doing a yoga practice, or feel worse from it. So how do I motivate myself? These are the times that make it interesting. How do I live ‘at my best’, and what does that even mean?

I wont be ruthless with myself. Being forceful or dogmatic is not very yogic and is counter-productive. Forcing anything goes against the very nature of yoga – that of being open and flexible. Instead, I wish to cultivate enough awareness and discipline to at least give it a go. I’m happy to play, to experiment and maintain a sense of humour. And I’m happy to share honestly with you how that goes, in the hope that you might be inspired.

If you would like to join me with a similar intention – whether that is to do yoga for a month, for a week, to start your own self practice at home, or to just make it to a yoga class again, let me know! And for those of you coming to my classes, you may want to think of any intentions you have. My first yoga classes of the New Year will focus on these, so you will have the opportunity to work with them.

Have a very beautiful New Year. Gently expect the best of yourself. Always try to be grateful, especially in difficult times. We are all incredibly lucky. I have seen so many beautiful faces in the last 2 months in India, of people who own nothing, who have no families to love them, whose days revolve around survival. Each of us has the ‘basics’ in place. What are we going to do to explore our lives from now?

Hari Om! X x x